newbie_ . love[ley]

I havent been on this thing for a while. got into it with mmy life_and felt i had to situate myself a little more before i started readin about everyone elses again. _smh. still stuck tho. me and my father dont get along. at all_i jus tolerate him. I think thats what everyoen does to this man._ my mom even admitted it. TOLERATE. y tho? is that what you do wen u can't control someone that you have to be around. _its not fair. but thats life...hense why i said i got into it with my life....and not "i got into it with my dad" .....even tho...thats wat happened.....

tears. tears. and more tears. "no one cares"....excpet my mom of course...i love her.

... well this was the morning of easter. like 1am-4am..... and then i went to sleep to wake up to appear happy at church...... _smh

so...i did so. i enjoyed my easter.......although i was super sleepy. _ didnt really have an "easter outfit planned" ....but i did like how the clothing came out to be....

TODAY: i found new love for two artist....and a pair of shoes.. _i must get

Janelle Monae: an artist i new i liked...jus never really took time for her ...until today.. _shes so beautiful and talented. i love her because, shes not scared to be different and shes so [young] . plz look into her if you already haven't.....

Big Sean: This artist just got signed by Kanye West....and his music is amazing. http://www.imeem.com/people/Ke1E72/playlist/afteokWJ/big-sean-mix-tape-music-playlist/ jus listen to him_and u'll know where im coming from. i needa meet him. [respects]

..... my shoes: i want some saddle shoes... _dont ask y..i jus doo... i been wanted them and couldnt figure otu what they were called to by them offline... _nwo i KNOW..saddle shoes... hmm

top model x 2...smh

so i wanna start this modeling thing already 

_building portfolio's...... excited. to start

im obsessed with the sight model mayhem.....[great for aspiring models. btw]

Now! remember in a previous blog i said how there would be another casting call in NEW YORK after the near death experience at the last one.?

well...its on saturday.. [no advance warnings] lol thank god i was searchin the web and found out by mistake... well hopefully this one ends up better than the last. [PLEASE TYRA] . 

ON THAT NOTE: im goin to the mall today do some shoppin =] with my cuz's cuz. lol...its gonna be us 3 plus a few this summer...jammin' cant wait. !.. SEE.C come the fuck home dayum. 

I MISS U GURL.

lectures_off

ok. so um...im tired of being compared to the world. cuz im not _the world....and i dont care to resemble every perfect person i come across.... all my parents do is pound on me about how much im not like _the other one. I DONT GIVE A FUCK.

was that too harsh? well_that still doesnt get my point across unfortunately....all i can do is wait for time to go by...and im finally out of this freakin house...again.
sometimes the best thing to do is remain silent "u have the right to remain silent everything you say or do will be used against you in the court of law" [somethin like that]. i mean...anything i say in my deffense ends up smacking me in the face..and im still wrong. _theres no point in arguing with the ones who birthed u.....cuz...they dont CARE about wat u have to say. lol even if u agree but use different wording "well you should have said it this way" ....shut the FUCK up.

_heyyy my name is shawntika i sniff coke and have 3 babies by 3 different men, neva got my GED. and prostitute my body to make a living......... [maybe they should experience that] .......

_hey my name is ashley marie..and i live ontop of a frieakin mountain stranded, phone stolen, 2broken cameras, no ipod, no job, and a compuuter that works wen it damn pleases FML... but no i dont "fuck my life" i still smile....why?! .....idk...but i hope it stays this way.

im currently finding myself.. _not saying i was lost before. but i want to find myself thru my own eyes and not those of my parents.....or others_ sometimes i feel like this world is just about acting and scripts....like everyone knows what to say and when to say it...and im always forgetting my "lines"...... did i miss the memo.? did god have a meeting and tell everyone how to make life perfect.....? idk...

to the left to the left...all ya funky words and ya points they cant step.

DizZyana MiXtape _ download now

ookk...soo new MiX TAPE:

DizZyana "no hooks"

http://www.mediafire.com/?m1mnojhzohdhzohd

Simply amazing. _i mean the nigga is lyrically gifted. I had to share this with my fellow bloggers! Download it now....for FREE [click above link]while you still can. Please dont wait till his album drop to be like "wait, i know that kid"... lol..... support. support. support. Listen to the first track [Intro] to learn more about my boy_.

Kids push packs get scratched they palms itchen
Moms at work and pop is gone missin
Forced to deal with the cold world no mittens
No hats_no scarves.
Niggas been to hell n back with no scars
-sweet

Ain’t no b*#&3 round here except you hoe
Space age pimpin my swag is on Pluto
And im superbad like the kid off juno
I am mc lovin_Getting shit faced wakeup remember nuthin
-special delivery

This is just the beginning of the album_ something light for ya'll to grasp onto until your downloads are complete and bumpin in ya stereos.

random reality_ [salt my fries]

ok_random blog

today i was eating these disgusting ffries from rcc_  >-p'

so u know wen u get those tasteless fries....and u decide to throw a million packets of salt on the to excuse the cold staleness.....  [eww] 

_i hate that the salt just slide the fuck off....lol...and ends up in the bottom of ur container or plate wtf! soo your pouring all this salt...to still end up with tasteless stale cold school fries. 

and picking up each fry careful enough to keep any type of salt that decided to stay on ur fry... lol.. [dont tip it too slanted...cuz u know whats gonna happen] 

 

_"for some" you attempt to dip it in ketchup...for more flavor.... [shit still taste disgusting tho]

so recently ive jus decided to either put the ketchup on_ and then the salt....jus so i know the salt can stick...._ orrr pour the salt in the ketchup and mix it in...and jus dip my fries in....

_why cant people jus season their damn food wen they cookin it..... is it so eff.n hard.

BIRTHDAY TO MY CUZ_GYPSY

                     

happy ;grown_ day GYPSY[TM] ILUSM!!!!!!!

YES.IM IN A TOWEL. FRESH OUT THE SHOWER _ OWWW

intoxicated love_

the love we share is so divine so sweet and pure _everytime you talk to me i squinch my thighs and close my eyes. i can feel ur words crawl deep within this spine of mine.

your mine. this love is ours. I know because you look at me with your heart _knocking thru your caged chest into my soul down to my inner most being... feelin warm and secure. climaxed and want more. mmmmmm. squirming on the bathroom floor.

i wake up every morning smiling_feeling complete and discrete. our little secret. _iknow the rarity of this feeling so i respect ur love with clarity. marry me._i know they said we move to fast_ speedily u needed me. i came with all i got. time was not the essence. this presense of mine.

your mine. i was enough for you . thats wat u said. that night on that floor...that bathroom floor. it became repetition _more...and more_ and more...... no changes occur. but it feels so good cuz i know i love you_right? dont i. what we shared was no longer pure and strong but sexually wrong.

weak_ you words made me weak. the words u told me grabbed my heart and made me squirm no longer standing on my feet. laying on this bathroom floor was my cushion as i felt hard feeling sore. im intoxicated with this emotion_ unkown. unfamiliar. some magic potion. paralyzed this body of mine.

it was mine. but not anymore. my mind and soul scream for help. but my body. my body and heart_ belongs to you. i want you. you feel so good my insides melt. knowing your nuthing ive ever felt. & my heart. this heart of mine knows no better. only the feeling of magic you fed her. _me..this heart of mine.

it is mine. the beating of my heart speeds up everytime i see u pass by. almost like a lonely cry._but i cant. and i wont. a tingling feeling of lust provoked. emotions in my mind trapped with no words....... so i pick up my pen_and wrote.



inspired by:

so my cousin put a picture on her blog:
http://jeanstootight.blogspot.com/
that jus grabbed me in. ....a peaceful love like no other. is this possible _or dont even bother? sometimes our heart and body make decisions for us when it comes to love_which is why they say "love is blind". wen can two people just find each other with no strings attached and be happy?. is it that hard to find this in life_isnt that called finding your "soul mate"....idk tell me wat you think

live my life_

i live in this world so full of hate

yet i see smiles and a happy face

so naive this gullable stage

hangin around the crowd thats fake

whos to judge and evaluate my life

"your doing it all wrong" "youll never b a wife"

don't tell me i fail because of ur mishaps

something u never accomplished perhaps?

anaylze from a bench the day go by

hobo on the street wishing he can fly

away from the judgment and lonely cry

oh but to u_this rule dont apply

i say bullshit....cuz no one is perfect

you swear ur above the world and deserve_ it

merely one person once dead_ cant preserve it

so just be urself its ur life_ don rehearse it.

im just a girl who wants to find her own way

gve me a chance _cuz i try everday

friends come and go...family leaving you a stray

parents like a record "ashley you never obey"

never walked away from my problems

but couldnt find the courage to solvem

now here i am_and ready to dissolvem

down to a golden dust reshaped into a gem

im an [eclectic beauty]different from "them"

misunderstanding my ass_

ok so_ today was theee worst eff.n day!!.... i cant even explain it.... lemme c




so when i wake up... the sky is gray [bad sign #1] but watever..



so i wake up at about 8:30 for my 9:30 class....so far im on schedule.....until i get a call at 9:00 from my _ride_ telling me the're running late. i dont really mind becuz im supposed to do a presentation so i have a little more time to prepare [no matter if im late] ....



so about 9:20 i hop in the shower_....for class...and im ready and waiting by 10ish.....no call/no ride/ no friend_ .......hmmm?

i call her [phone rings]

"hello"

"yea hey, where r u"
"um at school...ur mom told me to leave when i got there"
"wtf! why the hell would she do that"
"idkk._ thats wat she said.....sorry =["
"damn.....its ok"

okk...so i find a way to school anyway_ no thanx to the baby makers of my life.....fuck

so now i miss my presentation and go to my second class...._wat a drag. now my third class i look forward to...cuz its ACTING so much fun! ...but at the hour..i find out it canceled. [but i have to watch a mandatory play tonight at 8....ok...?]



so now its 4ish_ n i decide to waste time with my friends....until [the show]

i have to admit i had a blast during these 4 hours....it made up for my day


i was on straight [CHiLL] mode_if u know wat i mean =]



lol...so i get dropped off at the play at 8pm.... [unsober] alone...and madd lost.....but watever...i didnt care since the play happened to be Grease....my favorite movie/musical.


noww the play is over and its about 10:30...and i need my way home _ming you i said that i dont have a cell phone anymore... thanx to some eff.n sticky fingered broke nigga [fcuk u by the way]. so i look for the next bus coming......scroll my finger down the chart...last bus 7:41 [ffuck mee] _shit.... so i call my pops....knowing im gonna hear it..becuase i need him to pick me up from _school. [i mean its not like i asked him to get me from jail, or a drug bust..........parents r sooo annoying] .........


the whole ride home i get lectured on how im not independant and cant do shit for myself......wen they havent paid one dime towards my college education... [literally] idk why they complain so eff/n much...


maybe i should be another drug addicted baby mom that'd rather mooch off her drug dealin boyfriend name her child shawnika and not go to school at all...... [lol....] _hahahhaha rotf.

missed call_

so. _i have no phone cuz it was stolen...which results in me being the only one to care if the house phone is even frieakin chargd.

well it wasn't. _and i had to speak to ______ ....but i couldn't_ so i put it on the charger around 11:00pm....i mean he told me he'd be up all night doin work so it doesnt matter wen to call. i mean...i have work at 8:30am! but this was more important so i waited.....__

times goes by. [now its 2:00] now its finally charged enough for my phone session!

and i get an aim message [im goin ot bed...i changed my mind] wtf!

niggas is soo eff.n frustrating _if they only knew... smh

fuck whos life _.com

there are times wen ur having the worst day possible....and u wonder "can my day get any eff.n worse wtf" ......... ok so theres this site: hilarious.... fuck my life _dot_ com [www.fmylife.com] ..

if you think ur goin thru some shit _ read these....they'll be sure to brighten up ur mood haha....heres a few

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He proceeded to roll up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

smh_ lol...i feel so eff.n bad. [they posted it] lol

so im new on this ish_yet excited.

i love this thing but never understood it really....wierd... how do you love something you cant even figure out...wtf_

well anyway. ive decided to make a first post...really about nuthing_

omg_so i went to the model mayhem top model casting! and almost died......wth! although im pleased to say i was number 123 out of probly thousands _the audition was still pointless.... thanx alot u ghetto heffas..... cuz they couldnt do anything.

so im waiting for the next casting _ yes there will be another one... in like a month.... [inside source] so im waiting till then. [if ur under 5'7" but ghetto with an ego thats 6'10" stay home please....i dont have time to deal with ur mess again]

lmao_ o shit.